I am still searching for answers and weary of the seeking as my knees hit the floor, again.
With eyes still groggy from the pre-dawn nudge to get up, again, for my morning quiet time, I grab my journal and my bible.
My heart heavy, I begin to pray. “God, you can change this situation, but you haven’t. And I don’t understand. Be merciful. Show me your love. Give me wisdom and grace to endure these days of hardship. Please, Lord.”
Tears brimming in my eyes, I begin to question Him. “Do you hear my prayers? Is it worth getting up and praying every morning? Is it worth reading Your Word? Do my prayers matter? Can I trust you when nothing is changing in our circumstances?”
I know deep down I have to keep believing and trusting. Because if I don’t, what else is there?
But is it possible that we (myself included) are afraid to pray – and keep praying, fearing the implications – if God doesn’t answer our prayers? How do we explain it when nothing changes?
Does that change our belief system? Does it mean our God isn’t able? Does it mean our God is not compassionate because He hasn’t intervened in the way we expected Him to?
I asked myself these questions and many more.
There is so much I don’t know about how or why God does things. As it should be.
And through reading the last few chapters of Job, I am quickly and humbly reminded of who God is -the great I AM. And He does not answer to me. (If you need a wake-up call to who God is then I highly encourage you to read Job 39-41.)
His word says that He never changes. His word says that He is compassionate and full of mercy. His words says that He will never leave us or forsake us. His word says that He loves me, and He has redeemed me at great cost to Him, His Son.
So when I don’t get the answer I want or a situation seems hopeless, I can’t give up on Him. I have to give up my perspective.
I have to find a way to keep going, in spite of the struggles. A little thing we call perseverance.
So I dig in and read about perseverance and discover what the Word says. Not surprisingly, it has a few things to say about what we need in our lives, and perseverance seems a necessary step in this walk of faith.
Ultimately these challenges bring hope.
Ultimately these difficult circumstances bring a mature faith that is complete, lacking nothing.
Ultimately these obstacles will bring about the promises of God.
While my light and momentary troubles are nothing when compared to Job, I long to have his perseverance – knowing that the Lord is full of compassion and mercy and can be trusted to bring about good things from my suffering.
I’m not sure what you are in need of, but I’m convinced that God has seen a need for perseverance in this season of my life. And while it’s painful, I know God will do something good with it.
So for today, the questions may continue, but so do the prayers, and the knee still bends to Him who is able to do abundantly above and beyond what I can ask or imagine in my life.