Shadows. I suppose not many of us are fond of shadows. When I hear this word, I often think of things hiding in the dark. Scary things. Larger than life things that we are unsure of and cannot see clearly.
While returning to the doctor for another visit yesterday, she reviewed my MRI results and commented with some hesitation, “Your MRI is perfect, not even a shadow of anything to give us something to go on.” Ummm. That is suppose to be good, right?
And yet, I could almost sense that while my doctor did not wish anything sinister on me, she wished there was a hint of something hidden to explain my worsening symptoms.
Often, we want an explanation. We like things to be black or white, clear cut, and to know what we are dealing with in these situations.
I thought to myself how crazy that one would almost wish for something to be there just so we could find reason and explain things. And for just a moment, I did too.
I wished I could find a concrete reason why my eye doesn’t shut very well, and why I can no longer move the muscles on one side of my face. Not to mention the deeper questions that are tugging at my soul, like why is this happening now with so many other challenges?
And while I was relieved there were no shadows lurking in my MRI, I could not help but think of others in my life who are not so lucky.
One of my dearest friends, her “shadows” are recurring brain tumors that have forever changed her life, but she will say it is for the better.
Another close friend, her “shadow” was massive tumor on her husband’s spine and he was gone in a few short months. And yet, a year later she still describes her life as “grateful.”
Even seeing their “shadows”, I can’t imagine the faith it takes them to walk this thing through, though they do with such grace.
And then I am reminded that a walk of faith is not journeyed by things seen. Most often it is moving forward one step at a time with outstretched arms of surrender and pure trust that God is working it all out even when we can’t see or are blinded by the shadows.
These friends and many others give me hope that in the grand scheme of things, God is using all things – the big things and the little things, including this forced rest, to do His will.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 (NIV)
Blessings ~ Darcy