I took a little break from writing last week. Usually my heart is full of things that I want to discuss or share, but I have just felt quiet. Fatigue has settled in as we are in another waiting period.
God has been so faithful. My husband finally got a great job offer back in his field. We have waited and prayed so long for this to happen that we are extremely excited about what lies ahead of us with so many new possibilities on the horizon.
But, honestly, it has felt like a huge balloon full of excitement that has been slowly deflating as we endure the lengthy hiring process required for his job. We know that it is moving along but it means more waiting and more unknowns as we progress.
During this lull, it’s as if a huge wave of fatigue has washed over me and I can’t quite get out from under it. I’m trying. I keep doing what I need to do. I try to take short naps in the afternoon. I even intentionally hit the bed earlier than normal, but the fatigue hangs on like its never going to leave.
To understand this feeling I have tried to explain it away – hormones, stress, early mornings, age, ….
But the reality is that I think maybe my body is surrendering. Surrendering to stop trying to figure out how to make it all work out. Surrendering that God is in control of it all, even His timing.
When I fully release all that – my body seems to have recognized the intensity of the stress I have been carrying and feels like a limp doll at this point.
My dearest friend warned me “You are going to crash hard when things stabilize a bit.”
True. Maybe it is already starting.
Luckily our bodies are resilient. They manage to hold up under the most extreme circumstances, crisis situations, illnesses, accidents, and even long-term stress.
Yet research shows that long-term, severe stress is detrimental to the body and to the heart.
The Word even tells us that hope deferred makes the body sick. (Proverbs 13:12)
And while my hope has been deferred for quite some time, it is not lost. It still remains in the only person I can truly place my hope and that is Jesus Christ. He is the one who anchors hope to my weary soul.
Certainly my physical body appears to be demanding a rest, but my spiritual body is pressing in and resting in the Word of God and His promises knowing that while hope deferred can make us sick, hope in God does not. In fact, quite the opposite happens when we hope in the Lord.
“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
That’s where my hope is – in the LORD. I’m relying on His promise that He will renew my strength in the days ahead.